1 Month Home Update

I have been back home for just over a month now. I have spent my time resting, refilling, and processing everything that I have just experienced.

I was taught in my training that there are 5 steps I must go through during Re-Entry to Canada.

1. Excitement

2. Stress

3. Heightened emotion

4. Coping

5. Adjustment

For some this will take only a few months. For others this can take up to a year. As for me, I spent the majority of my first month home in the "Excitement" phase. I've been enjoying my time with family and friends, as well as appreciating the things that I spent three months without: a soft bed, a car, my guitar, green veggies, and ENGLISH! I have been taking everyone opportunity I can to talk with people. I believe now that I will communication for granted. I have spoken at two churches about my time in Ukraine. I take every chance I get, and I still feel like I don't get to talk about it enough. The first sign of the "Stress" phase was when I decided to donate half of my belongings. I lived for three months out of a suitcase, and now I have all of these things, most of which I don't even use or only look at. I feel overwhelmed by the abundance. And as amazing as it is to understand the people around me, I feel overwhelmed by the understanding. That feeling is definitely harder to explain. I haven't quite wrapped my own mind around it yet.

I spend a lot of time looking at pictures from my trip. Pictures of the place I lived, the streets I walked down everyday, the children. I never want to forget their smiles. I wish I could hug them all one more time. It is safe to say that I miss Ukraine. It is hard to know that my time there has come to an end. It went by too fast. Three months? It didn't feel like three months. Yet it was enough time for me to fall in love with the culture, the atmosphere, the people. Long enough for me to feel at home. When I was leaving Canada the goodbyes were hard and there were some hugs that I never wanted to let go, but it was the exact same when I was leaving Ukraine.

Endings are important. Without them we can't shift into the new beginnings of our lives. Some ending can be easy and long awaited. Like the ending of high school. But ending some can be hard. Like the end of a relationship, the end of a jar of peanut butter, or the end of a life changing experience.

I realize now why coming home can be harder than leaving. My time in Ukraine was absolutely life changing. And that is to say the least. I learned about communication, about love, about myself, but, most importantly, I learned a lot about God and what it means to follow in obedience to Him. But now it is time for me to take what I have learned and apply it to my life moving forward.

I still have three more phases of Re-Entry to endure and, so far, it hasn't been easy but I would do it a million times over to have an experience like that again. Sometimes when I close my eyes I am back in Krivoy Rog. And when I listen to the music I listened to while walking down the street or sitting on the bus, I relive that moment again, with all of the emotion that came with it. And I soak in it for as long as i can. Some days I worry I will forget that feeling, or that my memories will slip away. I know some of them will, but not all of them. Because of those memories, I will never be the same person that I was before I left.

I like this quote from Elizabeth Gilbert. I heard it just last week and she hits the nail on the head.

"If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all – to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself... then truth will not be withheld from you."

If you are reading this post and you supported me during my trip in any way (money, prayer..) I want to say thank-you, from the bottom of my heart. There are not the right words in the English language for me to tell you how incredible my experience was, so I hope you will take my word for it. God bless you.